I make things hard and you're just trying to help.

We sent out the S.O.S. call.
It was a quarter past four, in the morning
When the storm broke our second anchor line.
Four months at sea. Four months of calm seas {only}
To be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point.
They call 'em rogues. They travel fast and alone.
One hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong.
What they call love is a risk,
'Cause you will always get hit
Out of nowhere by some wave
And end up on your own.
The hole in the hull defied the crew’s attempts,
To bail us out.
And flooded the engines and radio,
And half buried bow.
Your tongue is a rudder.
It steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips
Or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you.
Come off course while you sleep.
Sweep your boat out to sea
Or dashed to bits on the reef.
The vessel groans
The ocean pressures its frame.
To the port I see the lighthouse
Through the sleet and the rain.
And I wish for one more day to give my
Love and repay debts.
But the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west.
They say that the captain stays fast with the ship,
Through still and storm,
But this ain't the Dakota,
And the water's so cold,
{We} won't have to fight for long.
(This is the end.)
This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear,
(This is the calm.)
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath,
(We are the risen.)
I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea,
(After the storm.)
I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean,
(Rest in the sea.)
I know that this is what you want, a funeral keeps both of us apart.
(Washed up on the beach.)
You know that you are not alone, I need you like water in my lungs.
This is the end.
...You never do see any other way...

A shift in the river.

I have no idea why I feel so horrible, I think i'm like, emotionally challenged or something. For some reason I thought all that would make me feel better about myself, i guess it kind of did ? But I still hate sleeping alone and I still want something that I can't even explain because I'm that kind of confused person, in general. Of course, it could be the narcotics. They have been known to fuck your head up.

The letter delivered, the year decembered.

I am your outcome, the verb in the sentence, intransitive, end of the road, hook and bait, polestar and checkmate, time and space as I observe them serve me like gravity, lamp to your moth, dot to your map, home and heart and hearth, a selfishness, submit, surrender, I am your arrival, there is no refusal, we are here, you see, together, we are already here...

Fear and loathing.

I am a bird, I wish for a boy or a girl, someone with fear and loss and hope and ideas and the softest skin and bones like sticks.
I will always be wishing, adequacies are for the weak, nothing will ever be good enough, nothing will ever fight me with teeth and nails but love me like you did do.

.

You know those nights when you just can't sleep at all, but it's better to have someone there with you ?
Well, yeah... : )

For all my charms.

Right way wrong way ears of an ass.

A white winter, a victory, commas and cars, snow laden trees, a kiss and a fear, hot coffee, capitals, journeys to god knows where, a long cold season, lovers freeze on trains and i find myself heated from within, leaving daylight for this appartment under city starlight, fight or flight, wind and winter, a punch and a kiss.
What do you want from me ? Because i will give it.

This is the price you pay for loss of control,

This is the break in the bend,
This is the closest of calls,
This is the reason you're alone,
This is the rise and fall.

truth.

art
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
nature -------- humanity

Say hallelujah, say goodnight.

"I'm saying your name in the grocery store, I'm saying your name on the bridge at dawn.
Your name like an aminal covered with frost,
your name like music that's been transposed,
a suit of fur, a coat of mud, a kick in the pants, a lungfull of glass,
the sails in wind and the slap of waves on the hull of a boat that's sinking to the sound of mermaids singing love songs,
and the tug of a simple profound sadness when it sounds so far away."

the garden this morning.

Well the evening always ends like this.

Well if I could tame all of my desires wait out the weather that howls in my brain because it seems that it's always changing the winds indecision the sorrowful rain yeah I was a postcard i was a record i was a camera until I went blind and now I'm riding all over this island looking for something to open my eyes but I still sing glory from my high rise and I will say thanks if you're pouring my drinks while the world waits for an explosion that moment in time, when we'll be set free so don't stay mad just let some time pass and in the morning you'll wake feeling new and if I don't come back i mean if I get side tracked it's only cause I wanted to i'm keeping up with the moon on an all night avenue.

love it.

and this is how i love you.

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone I could save
If they don't put me away
Well, it'll be a miracle.

Do you believe you're missing out
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through.

The nights hard to get through.

Ever since I was young your word is the word that always won. Worry and wake the ones you love. A phone call I'd rather not receive. Please use my body while I sleep. My lungs are fresh and yours to keep, Kept clean and they will let you breathe. Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry? I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind. Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these, so I sat alone and waited out the night. The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed. So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around. I'm not writing my goodbyes. I submit no excuse. If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake. If I could I would shrink myself, and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt, but I am too weak to be your cure.