(I will never believe in anything again)

I was fifteen
and a skinny boy with bright blue eyes
transfixed me for a few weeks.
(there's not a second i don't want to be pressed against you)

I don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness.

I know everything about you; you know everything about me;

We can remember swimming in December,
Heading for the city lights, in 1975
We share in each other nearer than father
The scent of a lemon, drips from your eyes
We are the people that rule the world
A force running in every boy and girl
All rejoicing in the world take me now we can try
We lived an adventure love in the Summer
Followed the sun till night reminiscing other times of life
For each every other the feeling was stronger
The shock hit eleven got lost in your eyes.

this is the sound of the hopeless kids;

'the radio leads a feel good revolution
cigarettes and my closest friends
i tell myself that i have to remember this
i have to remember this...'

I feel like the disillusioned youth.
I feel like throwing up my entire body just to get rid of the ache.
Get over your fear of connecting beneath you,
our history may confuse things but at least we know where we are.
'at least we're on the same page'.
I miss july afternoons on the water and evenings in your parents garage.
Most of all i miss a best-friend.
It'll never be the same again.
I cant form connections like that anymore, for fear of being dropped like a stone.
Dont blame yourself. Im just too goddamn weak.

Light me a funeral pire, my body is covered in bruises.
But let it rain, please just let it rain, let it wash me away...

I lost the thread in the darkest of space.

If I become antique you'll collect me
If I become cheap then you will respect me.

Tristan.

I AM ALIVE.

This is not anything.

Please please get me out.

To the deepest part
Of the human heart
The fear of death expands
Till we crack the code
We have always known
But could never understand
On a circuit board
We will soon be born
Again, again, again, again.

I dont want

anchorage.

Old dirt road knee deep snow.

Fall down the stairs
It's been a long time since
I got my hands on your teenage poems
It's the only poison that I like
Throwing rocks at broken windows
Picking locks with footprints in the snow.

Racing towards the new.

All i want is an evening under a sparkling sky with music lights and couches scattered across a field of flowers and everyone shouting all at once cameras flashing in the dark hands held and smoke rising and history in the making and static in the air so dense you can feel it spark when you move when you spin.

All i want is everyone together and nothing but laughter forever and ever and ever.

Simple dreams are what keep me sane.
They keep me from wanting things bigger than myself.
I dont want to be big. I want to be tiny. A tiny tiny jigsaw piece.
That is all.

Walking out the door to discover it’s a window.

Did you expect it all to stop at the wave of your hand?
Like the sun's just going to drop if it's night you demand.
Well, in the dark we're just air so the house might dissolve.
But once we are gone, who's gonna care if we were ever here at all?
Well, summer's going to come, it's gonna cloud our eyes again.
No need to focus when there's nothing that's worth seeing.
So we trade liquor for blood in an attempt to tip the scales.
I think you lost what you loved in that mess of details.
They seemed so important at the time
but now you can't even recall any of the names, faces, or lines.
It's more the feeling of it all.
Well, winter is going to end, I'm going to clean these veins again.
So close to dying that I finally can start living.